Author: Michelle Beck

• Good spirits and all, Michelle just went back for surgery, the first procedure will be a couple of hours followed by the second which will be 3 hours or so. The estimate was tonight between 7 and 8 for her to come out of surgery. I will post updates here as I get them from the surgical staff.
• Just got word from the first surgeon, everything is going well, the removal is done, and the reconstruction has started, probably 2.5 to 3 more hours. She said that the first part went very well.
• I just talked to the plastic surgeon, She is out of surgery, and getting ready to roll into recovery. She will be there for about an hour and then into a room. The procedure went very well, minimal blood loss and the surgeon is very pleased with the procedure. Now we start the road to recovery, or at least until the next surgery. Thank you to all of the friends and family that have been here for me today, and for us as we walk this road together.

• I am back home for the evening, I got to see Michelle before I left the hospital tonight. She is doing well with pain meds on board and a great staff at the hospital to help her throughout the evening. I will be up there tomorrow after I ensure the Boys both get to school in the morning.

Tomorrow is the day. When we scheduled my surgery, it seemed ages away. It has been a very up and down few weeks, but the support that we have received from family and friends has been so wonderful. I know that I will be good, but it will be a process and I am scared of the unknown. The cancer will be gone from my body tomorrow, but so will my breasts. It is a rough trade, but it is the right decision for us.
We check in tomorrow at 8:00 at St. Vincent’s, and my surgery is scheduled for 1:30 pm. It should take 4-6 hours and then I will be in recovery for a bit. Nate will update here when I am out of surgery.

We had the pre-op appointment this morning with the plastic surgeon. It was pretty anti-climactic after the last one. I had my blood pressure, heart and lungs checked, got the spiel about not taking anything that would thin my blood, which includes aspirin which stinks at the moment as my head is pounding. They also gave me some special wipes to use the night before and morning of surgery to help prevent infection. The Dr. spoke about what to expect the morning of and after surgery, that I am going to have 6 drains, 2 in back and 4 in front post surgery and for 1-2 weeks. My Dr. told me that I am going home with a very different body and will be a work in progress, but to be patient and they will take good care of me. It was rather sobering to think that I am going to be coming home without any breasts, but also without cancer and that is more important. On a more pleasant note, Nate and I leave for Puerto Vallerta in about 12 hours for 4 all inclusive days with his work! Adios!

Today I received this. From the best friend of one of my best friends whom I have never met, but I feel like I know her. She went on her journey with cancer last year and is now supporting me from afar. I am so blessed in my life. I may have cancer in my body (for another 16 days) but nothing will ever diminish the love and support I feel every day.

 

Last week my surgical nurse told me that I had to go get fitted for my “post surgical garment” and that she would send over my prescription for it. This sounded very intense like some medieval torture shirt that keeps everything in place. I went in this morning to get fitted and she measured my chest, I try one on and was done. Basically it is just a zip-up tank top with interior removable pockets for the drains and boob pads. Pretty sure that was/will be the easiest appointment of this whole process. My next and only other appointment before surgery will be my pre-op with the plastic surgeon on February 8.

Today was our meeting with the plastic surgeon. Dad, you don’t have to read this one. I have been very anxious for this appointment. I NEED information. I need to know what my body is going to look like. Yes, it is still possible to be vain even when you have cancer and know that this is a smart decision to have a bilateral mastectomy, but wow, it sucks. I know my breast surgeon will remove the cancer, but also all of my breast tissue. The plastic surgeon is the one who is going to be my new best friend (or breast friend – hahaha) and who I will get to know way too well over the next year. Yes, I said YEAR. The entire reconstruction process for me will take approximately one year.

Since I had radiation 4 years ago, I get to have not one, but two different kinds of reconstruction, one for each breast. On my right side where the stupid F’in cancer is now, I will have an expander put in under my own skin like this:

http://www.breastcancer.org/…/reconstruction/types/implants…

On my left side where I have been radiated, the basic expander process will not work and a flap of skin and muscle will need to be taken from my back to add to the left breast, along with an expander.

http://www.breastcancer.org/…/re…/types/autologous/lat-dorsi

The flap procedure will also extend my hospital stay from an overnight to 3-5 nights. Nate and I have already decided that we will have a Lord of the Rings marathon during this time (because when else do you ever get to do this?) and he will be smuggling me in good food and diet coke.

Today was such an overload of information, and at times I just sat there and tried to stop the tears from flowing down my face. I KNOW this is the right decision, but I am not looking forward to the process and am scared of the results. Since I am having two types of reconstruction, my plastic surgeon will do her best to create symmetry, but they will be different with different scars and the left one, since it will have skin from my back, will have a patchwork look. (Kathy Robinson, this made me think of you and Bobbi and hope that my surgeon will be as good with my new boobs as you two are with your quilts!)

The process will take a year for me because each procedure takes time and healing time: original mastectomy with possibly 2 months healing time, 3 months to fill the expanders with saline on a weekly basis, another 2 months for healing and to make sure the size is what I want, then a surgery to replace the expander with a permanent silicone implant, then another couple months and the nipples will be reconstructed and then in a couple more months, I will have new nipples tattooed on. The timing may be a little off, but that is as best as I can remember. I may also add some flowers or pink ribbons on the scars, as I will generally have little feeling in the area. I have a long time to decide.

After I had J, I always said that I wanted to get a lift to get perky, pre-kid boobs again, but this was just not that way that I had planned that all to go down. Ugh.

Thank you everyone for your comments, support and offers to help. We greatly appreciate it.

Here starts Round 2 of my cancer journey.

If you are a part of this group, then you have been on this journey with me before and well, now get to again. Or you are new in my life and I need your support too! We recently found out that I have a new occurrence of breast cancer in my other breast. Seriously. I am pretty sure that the right one felt left out because the left one got all of the attention last time. Yes, I have become quite the comedian with boob jokes. If I don’t laugh, I will cry.

Many of you, I should have called to tell in person, and I am sorry if you are finding out like this, but every time I call and tell someone, I cry and it is exhausting. No one should ever have to tell their parents TWICE that they have cancer. It sucks. So please know that if you are in this group, I love you and value your support in the coming months.

Clinical details: I have a small (4 mm) mass in my right breast, which they consider Grade 1. It was found on my yearly mammogram and then confirmed by a biopsy. It is IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma) and ER/PR + HER 2 – (same as last time). Basically that means it is has invaded the milk ducts and feeds on the hormones that my body creates (estrogen and progesterone). I have been taking Tamoxifen for 3 ½ years, which is supposed to block the estrogen receptors preventing future cancer occurrences. Fail. More on that later.

I have a tentative surgery date of Monday, 2/20 for a bilateral mastectomy. Try to kill me once, fine. Try to kill me twice, bye bye boobs. I will then undergo some type of reconstruction over the coming months. We meet with the plastic surgeon on Friday 1/27 to discuss options. I will more than likely not be a candidate for radiation since there will not be any breast tissue to radiate. Chemo is currently up in the air. During my surgery, they will do a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy to see if anything has spread. They will also possibly do an Oncotype Test where the DNA of the actual cancer to see if chemo would be helpful to stop any future occurrences. So, mid-March, we will know if I get to experience that. Chemo scares the hell out of me. I hate feeling helpless and sick and not in control. But, we will cross that bridge if needed.

Following the medical treatments, there is usually some kind of hormone therapy to help prevent future cancer. I have been taking Tamoxifen. Apparently, it does not work for me, which really stinks because it causes all kinds of side effects that I have lived with (it is supposed to put your body in menopause – hot flashes, extreme fatigue, and many others which are so unfun.). Unfortunately, it is really the only medication that is given to premenopausal women with my type of cancer. My cancer feeds on estrogen so to stop the estrogen production my body has to either medically be put into menopause to stop the estrogen production by having shots every month or every few months. The other option would be to surgically remove my ovaries and possibly my uterus. RUFKM??? It’s bad enough that I am saying goodbye to by boobs, but these too, because there is no way in hell that I am getting shots for how many years until I really go into menopause. So that will mean another surgery come April.

So, though there are may lows, the positives are that I get new boobs and will have no more periods. But it will be a rough process.

For those of you who live close by, when the time comes, we would appreciate help with meals for a bit so that Nate and my family can focus on taking care of me. Someone will set up a meal train. Also, we will probably need help with Jackson at times.

For those of you who don’t live here, please just think positive thoughts and prayers for me. Nate and I greatly appreciate all of your thoughts, actions and support.
I KNOW I am going to be fine, it will just be a process.

More updates to come when I have more information.

Done. Radiation is DONE!! My last treatment was today, but it has not really sunk in yet. I did get to ring a bell outside of the radiation room and my technicians threw confetti on me, but still it does not seem real yet. I don’t think it will seem real until I have my mornings back to myself for a few days. I do have to say though, 7 weeks and 33 treatments went awfully fast. Books on tape during the drive were key, and I actually looked forward to getting into the car for the books.

*** This is the last post regarding Cancer Round 1***

21 treatments down and the end is in sight! Last week, for the halfway point, we went out to dinner and I had a nice glass of wine. When you don’t have wine very often, it is ridiculously good.

All in all, I am doing well. I am definitely red and tender and last week, I broke out in a lovely (not really), red rash across my chest and below, but still in the radiation zone. It ITCHES. Scratching is bad because I am so tender and sore, so that part kinda stinks. Also, there is no good position to sleep in, I am uncomfortable no matter how I try to sleep . Unfortunately, sleep is critical to me at this point. I am trying to nap every day when J does. The days where I don’t get a nap, I am seriously dragging. My eyes feel like sandpaper and I have no energy. It is really annoying because the weather is beautiful outside and I just don’t have much energy to run around after J outside. Thankfully I just set up a new water toy for him where he can play and splash and I can just sit there and add more water.

My doctor did decide to switch things up a bit in the overall schedule so I started the “boost” treatment today and that will go for 7 more treatments. I now lie on my side and there is a directed beam toward just the surgery area for one longer blast. I don’t have to hold my breathe for this, but they did draw a big circle in the side of my breast and a large X in the middle and asked me to not wash it off. X marks the spot I guess.

One nice side effect of the damn cancer is that I get to see my mom, Mark and Grandma more. Nate is on the road a lot at the moment and so the family is coming on Sunday to hang out with J and I while Nate is gone. I am super excited to see my family, but also looking forward to more sleep and having someone else cook for us.

Oh, and the best present you can ever give someone who has any kind of prolonged illness, treatment, etc. is for someone to come clean their house. My sister arranged for cleaners to come every 2 weeks during this time and it is amazing. Best sister ever.

Every day I do feel so lucky to have the family and friends that I do. And when people ask how I am doing, my standard answer, other than “tired” is “it could be worse.” Yes, I had cancer and it sucks, but really, I have it a lot easier than many and I know it.

13 treatments done (at least I think it is 13, it is easy to lose count since my life is now a bit like ground hog day) and I am just damn tired. It hit like a ton of bricks on Tuesday and I have not been coherent ever since. Of course, this could have nothing to do with the radiation and everything to do with the fact that Jackson got sick and now I am sick and Nate is holding on by a thin thread to a bit of health.

I asked my nurse yesterday if the radiation fatigue could be setting in so quickly or if it was my cold and she said it could be a little of both. So I am trying to nap when I can and have been in bed early this week and am heading there in about 10 minutes (9:30 pm) which is pretty early for me.