Author: Michelle Beck

Apparently I am not posting enough and have been scolded for it.

I am good. Today was my 9th radiation treatment; only 25 more to go. I am a little red in the area and tender, with occasional twinges of pain in the actual surgery area, but Advil helps. I use aloe and a lotion made to help burns 2 or 3 times a day to help keep my skin in as good condition as long as possible. I can’t stand the smell, but it is a small price to pay.

Other than driving downtown and back to my oncologist’s office mainly during morning traffic, the hardest part has been figuring out the schedule for Jackson as my appointment times the first 2 weeks have been haphazard. I am so thankful for the people in our life who are helping us out. Showing up at my house at 7 am to watch Jackson, that is love.

Today was radiation day 1. It was supposed to be yesterday, but life happens. Nate and I went to my appointment yesterday, I changed into the shapely gown with 2 ties in the back that no one with normal arms can really reach and sat down to wait. I was called back into the room, down a dark hallway, which I think is odd, and laid down on the very uncomfortable table. I had one therapist on each side, moving my torso around, drawing on me with a sharpie (I left with a nice trapezoid shape around the area which was clearly visible above my t-shirt) and getting me set up. Then I had to do some practice breathing. Take a breath in, let it out, take a breath in and hold. Hold. Hold. The longest was for about 30 seconds, but when all you are focused on doing is holding your breath, it seems like an eternity. They took measurements, films, actual photos of the area and told me that I “set up perfectly,” whatever that means. Then they went to find the doctor to read the films and give the approval to treat. Dr. Dr. Where is the Dr.???? And no Dr. to be found. Due to a scheduling snafu, he had left the building and they could not start my radiation without his approval. Well hell. Day 1 was a frustrating bust other than I got to spend some time in the middle of the day with my husband.

Day 2 went much better and I did actually receive the radiation today. They had to do some set up again and take films, breathe, etc. but it went smooth, the Dr. approved everything and I spoke to him. I will see him weekly, along with his nurse in case I have any questions.

So far so good. The radiation itself is painless and they did 4 blasts (for lack of a better term) for about 20 seconds each. I only know that because I was told to him my breath and the red light went on and a noise.

The hardest part so far has been lying down (laying down? – I should know this) on the table. It is skinny and hard and irritates my sciatic issue so I have a very hard time getting up. My therapists offer their hands to pull me up, but they are both about 5 feet nothing tall and I am afraid that I will pull them over on top of me. I am going to start taking some precautionary Advil.

I am going to try to head off the sunburn and skin irritation right away with a special lotion and aloe. Hopefully this will help prevent the bad irritation symptoms as much as possible.

Day 1 down, 33 more treatments to go. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Oh and I forgot to mention, they draw on my torso with a sharpie daily. Just a boring line though. I wish they would be a little more artistic.

i guess it is a good thing when your cancer treatments are so inconsequential that you just take them as a normal part of your day. Yesterday, I went in for my radiation planning session. It sounds so formal, but honestly, the worst part of it was leaving the house before 7 am to deal with traffic and forgetting it was spring break so there was no traffic and I arrived 30 minutes early.

I had a CT scan to pinpoint the surgery area so they can line up the lasers to target my breast and stay away from the other important organs in the area (heart and lungs). It was my first CT scan ever and I will take that any day over the awful clanging MRI. They placed stickers all over my chest and slid me into the machine, I kept my eyes closed the whole time and tried to ignore the fact that I was in a little tiny tube without any valium. After that, they gave me 5 or 6 skin markers which look like dark freckles and are also used to line up the lasers. I asked the guy if he could make them into hearts, pink ribbons or something cute, but no go since it was just a regular needle and not a tattoo needle. Maybe I will do that later.

Another day, another new oncologist. Today, Nate and I met with the radiation oncologist. Lots of information, diagrams drawn, forms signed and a very long appointment later, I have a “Planning Session” set for Monday, 3/25. At that time, I will have a CT scan to locate my surgery area, create the settings on the machine and give me some little skin markers (aka tattoos) which will tell them where to align the lasers.

The start date for the radiation will be set at that time (early April) and then I will continue for approximately 6 weeks, Monday thru Friday. The radiation itself is painless, but possible side affects are redness and swelling in the skin, but I have some recommendations for special lotion that helps and toward the end of the time, fatigue is pretty common.

I am kind of on cancer overload from the past few days. Friday was my post op, which went great (see previous post – cancer freeeee!) On Saturday, I attended a Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Issues conference with an amazing guest speaker who is a stage 3 survivor while at the same time was the Head of the Breast Cancer Pathology Department at her hospital. It was very encouraging to be around hundreds on women who have had some similar experiences. I am still very new on my journey compared to most, but it was so encouraging to hear their stories.

Last night, I attended a Young Survivor’s meeting which my nurse navigator recommended (and she is also a survivor and attends the meeting). About 30 women, ranging from late 20’s to early 40’s were there. Everyone told their story or gave updates on their treatment. I am very lucky to already have many amazing, strong and brave women in my life, but the women is this group exhibited courage, hope, humor and compassion on a new level.

Yes, I have breast cancer and it SUCKS, but I do feel very lucky that it was caught SO early and it is so amenable to treatment. As I sat in the room and looked around at the women in various stages of treatment: radiation, chemo, post mastectomy, reconstruction, “flat and fabulous” – those with mastectomies but chose to forgo reconstruction, those 2 or 3 years out and finally those who have graduated and are done with their hormone therapies, I know my journey to date and for the immediate future is easier that most.

The group helps distribute information, organizes retreats, provides support, sets up play groups for those with young kids, nights out for the single ladies and shares stories. At the end of the meeting, a number of women had a show and tell of their “new breasts.” While it may sound odd, it is incredibly helpful to those who may be going through it or may be soon, to see what the new ones really look like. A few of them even had beautiful tattoos of flowers, lace, etc. across their new breasts to help detract from the scars. Apparently, that is a big thing in Portland and there is a female tattoo artist who specializes in it.

I am now a member of a club that I never asked to join, but it could be a lot worse.

Finally, today, Nate and I met with my medical oncologist who will be in charge of my overall care going forward. He is incredibly calm and reassuring. There was a lot of info that we discussed, but the most exciting thing for me was the confirmation of NO CHEMO!! We had that suspicion, but he is the final say. Woohoo. I witnessed my grandmother in her fight with chemo and it honestly scared me more than anything. We also discussed hormone therapy which would be tamoxifen if I choose to take it. Again, another choice. Both Nate and I feel that we want to be proactive, so after I finish my radiation treatments (I find out more on that on Thursday), I will go back in and meet with my oncologist to discuss timing of the tamoxifen. He stressed that he will work with me on the side effects that arise and how to manage them, if I need breaks or even if I want to stop prior to 5 years. I will have appointments with him every 4 months or so and regular mammograms.

Whew. See, cancer overload. I have decided that I am taking Tuesday and Wednesday off from cancer.

My surgeon says I am CANCER FREEEEE!!!!!! Yay! Woohoo!

There were 2 very small spots of cancer associated with the clip area which was removed. One was 2 mm and other was 1 mm. So small that they were not caught on the MRI or mammogram from the last few weeks so it was good that we went back in for the clip. The margins all around the spots were clear and they are calling it grade 1 and stage1A which is very treatable as they had indicated in the beginning.

My surgeon is recommending me for radiation to make sure there are no other tiny spots elsewhere which were not removed during the surgeries. I meet with the radiation oncologist on Thursday to discuss the process, schedule, etc. Normally radiation starts 4 to 6 weeks after surgery, but apparently my surgeon says I am a fantastic healer so I could start much sooner. Yay, I think. The biggest pain in my ass with the radiation is that it is daily, Monday thru Friday for usually 6 weeks. I am going to rely on family and friends for help with Jackson and get some sort of schedule set. Usually there is fatigue which sets in toward the end, and I am nervous about that. I already have fatigue; I am 41 with an active toddler. Very blessed with an active toddler!

As I head into see my oncologist, I realize there may be something wrong with me. I dread going to the dentist way more than the oncologist.

Another Monday. Even stay at home Mom’s get the Monday blues, though not near as bad, I am sure (thinking of Rachel Rhodes as I say this – miss you) I consider myself very lucky to be home with J. Both J and I miss Nate, as he was home the past 5 days taking care of us. Regular life resumes now. We did get out on Friday night to have dinner with Nate’s family, thanks Nancy and Ken. It was great to visit and be fed! Yesterday, we visited Emily, our friend and J’s current sitter, who is serving at CPK for lunch. J loves the avocado club egg rolls! It is just nice and necessary to get out of the house. I love my house, but some days lately, it makes me crazy to only see my house.

Hi everyone, I am up and around and doing well. I was nauseous yesterday and headachey, a very bland dinner of noodles and butter and bread did not sit so well, but some sleep helped. I tossed and turned last night, but hopefully will sleep better tonight. The pain is not near as bad as the last surgery and being on the light anesthesia is so so much better than general anesthesia to come out of. I was much more coherent and wanted to come home very quickly after waking up. Now I am just taking it easy while J has Daddy time with Nate.

My post op with the surgeon is next Friday 3/8. I am sure they will schedule me with the medical oncologist, who will go over next steps with me, the following week so we should hopefully know more soon.

First night at home post surgery #2. Jackson was very happy to see both of us, but really wanted Michelle as always. Once she went upstairs to rest, he was all about dad, playing and bringing me his cars to push back and forth. It was a very nice break from my normal routine. I think that this time will be good for Jackson and I. Michelle came down to eat dinner, but that did not sit so well, also Jackson was all about Mom at that time, until she went back upstairs. Jackson and I will have to go pick up a pain med prescription from the oncologist office tomorrow for Michelle but I think that post surgery is going ok. It could be a little better if the nausea was not there, but she is moving much better than after the first surgery.